2- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in
leap years.

4- On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
Mother's Day too.

5- St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would
be celebrated every month.

6- Garbage would take itself out.

7- Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the
Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world
history.

8- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9- Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11- Two words..."Ally McNaked".

12- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with
would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop:"You know how fast you were going?"
You:"All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop:"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14- Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15- Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17- It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned
it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18- Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be
with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

19- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response
to "I love you".

21- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22- "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.

23- At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of
your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your
car like Fred Flintstone.

24- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public
ugliness" ordinance.

25- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.