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Onliners
Jokes |
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Sardarji
got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
Sikh?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born
on the Earth now is a Chinese." |
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Two
dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
(it's the barking sound)
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof!
Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!" |
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Sardarji
is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji
says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next
day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the
same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees
and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder." |
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Santa
Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into
a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while
when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta
Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh
! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*" |
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What
do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T'
silent!). |
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Santa
Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on
time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing
officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates
and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials
I would like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer
those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our
Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job. |
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A
Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes
to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar
raheho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar
board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin". |
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Santa
Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle
of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway." |
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Santa
Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on
the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another.
It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette,
carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again." |
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A
Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander
as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A
Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?! |
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Then
there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to
a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his... |
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How
did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff. |
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