you associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"

you think Dan Rather represents media impartiality

your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."

the first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"

you've ever tried to protect the ozone layer

you've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals

you've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ...ummm ...
food

you ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom"
in the same sentence

you are a vegan

you have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms"
on your car

you believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race

you've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs

you pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food

you cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at
1 p.m.

you don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's
right to kill babies

you have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair

you want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the
fact that cancer kills many more people per year

you have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized

you consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse
Helms has to say

you abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism,
Western culture or Rush Limbaugh

you found yourself unemployed after this past November's election

you're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might
be a Clinton cabinet official if ..."

you're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from
my car

you think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is
in the Constitution

you cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v.
Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion