I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

I drink to make other people interesting

Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-anus

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss

You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!

An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it

This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it

Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part

Even hot girls have to fart

It was a brave man who ate the first oyster

First law of science: don't spit into the wind

This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part

I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on