I went to parent-specific classes, I bought baby breastfeeding resources – I was ready to be a mother who wanted to breastfeed her children.
But two days after the birth of my baby, I was not breastfeeding.
I massaged, ate fatty foods, drank a lot of milk, but by the third day I had to go back to the hospital after being told me the midwife. My baby was starving.
It is difficult
When he put a mechanical breast pump on my breast at the hospital, it led to blood in the breast.
I thought, what’s wrong with me? Is my body rejecting the idea of becoming a mother? And then I found out that my baby was sucking my nipples so hard in search of milk that they were injured.
I wish I had known that breastfeeding does not begin naturally. It is the process of making a mistake and learning from it. You get better with the experience.
There is no shortage of techniques in this regard, but it is not always easy and can often be very painful.
Life was not easy even when my body started to realize this and my baby started breastfeeding. Spending time with my own bath or in front of glasses was a long way away.
Occasionally I used to get out of the house and was wondering what my neighbors would think, what would friends think?
My favorite places became the No-go Area because I was struggling to breastfeed a baby in public places. I would wake up at midnight and breastfeed a baby alone.
It feels like I’m left alone in the world. I was on the brink of post-natal depression and had no help to support me.
I wish I knew that in this situation, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of a child. A calm and healthy mother is better than a worried and frustrated mother.
The feeling of error remains
When my baby was breastfed in hospital for the first time, he slept for several hours. It came to my mind that if I ever needed sleep, I could breastfeed it instead of breastfeeding myself.
But then it didn’t take long for me to feel overwhelmed. My baby’s tongue turned white with canned milk. It seemed a bit unnatural. I felt like I was giving my baby a ‘junk food’ instead of a delicious and natural breastfeeding baby.
Whenever I gave her canned milk for my own ease, I would have this feeling. She kept thinking, ‘I could do more. I didn’t need to sleep for an hour longer. ‘
I wish I knew that feeling does not go away, but it is also true that every mother sets her own schedule and knows if it is best for her baby – breast milk or something else.
You cannot remain unhappy but this is not a sign of a bad mother but a sign of a responsible mother.
Don’t hesitate to seek help
Breastfeeding is a multibillion-dollar industry. There is a solution for any small problem, all you have to do is lose the pocket.
In my nearest market, I found a whole section of things from breast-warming clothing to nipple cream to moms like me.
But the most important treatment for me was attending breastfeeding workshops and the advice and guidance of those who went through it.
I wish I knew that I am not the only mother who is having trouble breastfeeding my baby and that there is help for moms like me and that if I get in trouble I will ask for help.
Breastfeeding is not a must. I think this should be the default option but failing it and not breastfeeding your baby does not make you a bad mother.